Crazyness rulez
by Dendey
Summary: This is the translation of an originally german fanfiction, that was never finished. It's about Hogwarts being haunted by two catastrophes...us! So it's kinda selfinsert DISCONTINUED! my co-author deserted me v.v"


Kimmy: Hello my friends!

Alex: Feel greeted, noble knights, you who dare to wander through the abyss of our imagination.

Kimmy: More likely the blackest depths of your human soul. #smug grin#

Alex: You can call yourself lucky to be fortunate enough not to know what's coming your way.

Kimmy: Bla, bla, bla...

And this is the current Disclaimer:

Me: myself, She: herself and the rest: definitely doesn't belong to us!

Alex: Here we go!

Alex POV:

We were walking side by side, listening to music, when suddenly...Kimmy was gone.

And she'd taken the music with her!

I looked around in panic for the thing which had the source of our music with it, when I discovered a hand winking at me out of an old drain.

Strangely enough the hand seemed familiar enough...and yes! It was actually holding my lost ear plug and swinging it around just like Kimmy would do when she once again had this look á la: Are-you-truely-too-dumb-to-keep-this-in-your-ear-for-more-than-just-five-minutes-?-'Cause-you-can't-make-me-believe-that-you-don't-like-the-musik-!!!

So obviously I had this strong inner need, because naturally I do have a self preservation instinct, to drag myself to the old drain.

"Kimmy are you in there somewhere?", I asked with a spark of hope, even if I didn't really believe in an answer.

"NO!", it hollered up to me.

"Okay, in that case you'll surely wont eat your choko muffin, leaving me free to eat it myself."

"Kiss my holy ass...GIVE ME MY MUFFIN!"

Obligingly I did just that. But there was still a little problem left: how would I get the muffin through the drain cover? Alongside that I discovered another question: How had Kimmy's hand gotten through the drain cover?

"Kimmy, doesn't your hand hurt if your putting it through that?"

"Where else should I put it through?"

"Well, THROUGH a drain is okay with me, but THROUGH the drain COVER, which is still located on top of the drain, it does look slightly off and a bit strange."

"Cover? Drain? What are you talking about? I fell down some new stairs."

"Stairs.", I forced out dryly.

"Yes, well you know these funny things that are like angular, in a right angle, then they lead you down and then they are angular and these ones are made of stone."

"I know what stairs are! I already graduated!"

"I didn't and now give me my muffin!"

"Okay, but upon your responsibility."

With that I took the bag of muffins and miraculously COULD pass them THROUGH the COVER of the drain.

'Okay, there has to be a logical explanation of this. I just need to find it. If the stairs weren't finished by now or not ready to be used, then theoretically they would be closed off. But these ones hadn't been closed off, but were obscured by a hologram! But who would be dense enough to not think about the fact that people can fall through a hologram? That was somehow not logical. Especially as holograms weren't even make able without some mist to project them upon.'

"Get down here! You'll get a muffin."

"Okay. Wuff.", with that I tentatively got closer to the drain and tried to set my foot upon it, but it instantly sank through the cover, so I took it back immediately.

"Get here or you'll get no muffin."

Okay, that was the last straw and really motivation enough to make me put my foot back onto the drain cover and let it sink through it until I stood upon something solid.

"Ouch that's my head you ass! Take your foot away or I'll hit you!"

"Ups, sorry. Then at least tell me where the damned steps are!"

Like out of nothingness, or the drain cover however you choose to view it, a hand shot to my left foot, got a hold of my boot and pulled it forcefully to the right.

"Damn it Kimmy! You know that I always begin stairs with my right foot!"

"I don't care! Now get down here!"

Obediently I walked down the invisible stairs, even if it was really uncomfortable that I couldn't shake away the thought that I surely would brake my nose with the next step I took, if my nose in contrary to the rest of my body couldn't get through the cover.

In the end I dared to take the last step down, most likely because I could smell the muffins already and came face to face with Kimmy, who just glared at me and grumpily shoved a muffin under my nose.

"Do you always take that long for a few steps?"

"No, normally not, but you know when you can't see the steps it is a little bit irritating to have a drain under your nose instead."

"You Honk."

Without a comment I took the offered muffin and ate it.

Shortly after I'd taken my last bite I reopened my eyes, which I had shut out of relish and saw myself faced with a wall.

"Kimmy?", I just asked into the blue.

From the end of the hallway I hear a "WHAT'S TAKING YOU SO LONG?"

I turned to the left and saw Kimmy, impatiently tapping her foot onto the floor and with her hands on her hips.

"I'm coming." I murmured and followed her in a fast march, so it took me just mere seconds to be at here side.

"Hopp, hopp." She commanded and vanished around the corner to the right.

Like an obedient little dog I followed my 'keeper', trying to remember the way we took. To the right, then left, right again, staying in the center, to the left, left again, halfway to the right, center once more, to the right again, once more through the center, down a flight of stairs, to the left, center, left, right, center, through the center again, through a wall. 'WHAT'S GOING ON?'

"Kimmy wait a sec!"

"What is it?", came the unnerved murmur through the wall.

"Where are you?", I asked, taking a step up to the wall.

"Here you Honk."

"Define: here."

"The place upon which my mud covered shoes are residing."

"Okay. Let's get to something else. How did you pull it off to walk through a wall?"

"Huh?"

"We're recording that you don't know, but well if you can go through drain covers, then why shouldn't you go through walls as well, so I'll just try to follow you now, okay?"

"Do whatever you want, but hurry up."

Feeling totally unintelligent once again I just tried to defy the laws of physics and succeeded. Now I was standing in another hallway, just like the one I had just left seconds before. There were no windows, but torches attached to the walls, which I realized suddenly ignited just for us and went out after we didn't need them anymore. How I could realize that? Simple, that little black dot there, which was surrounded by light and just starting to hum to herself, was moving further away from me and with that dwindling out of my sight. So once again I had to use my military fast march, with which I could outrun my father by now, and followed the now growing dot.

Shortly afterwards I was nearly at Kimmy's side again, when she had to face an unexpected obstacle

Kimmy POV:

Loudly singing to myself, I walked along the hallway. After some time there appeared a hindrance as fast as lightning and of course I crashed into it at full speed and fell back onto the floor.

"Kimmy, are you okay, did you hurt yourself?", it came worriedly from behind me.

"OUCH!"

"What are you doing here, back to your common room! And twenty points deduction from each of you!"

"Hello? Are you mental?", I shouted. "I'm not part of a H.P. book! And besides that I have holidays you Honk!"

"Kimmy, calm down!", Alex tried to soothe me.

Grumpily I stood up and glared at the man in front of me, which didn't impressed him all that much, considering my immense height (5'3'').

"In which house and year are you two?", the black clad form in front of us demanded imperiously.

"My parents' and 1988." I answered him dryly.

"Do not play games with me. I am absolutely sure that you are well aware of the consequences and wont like them one bit."

The thought shot through my brain that this guy in front of me had to be a terrible H.P. freak and apparently believed himself to be Snape, because he looked like the bat and even talked like him. And what that maniac could, I could do for much longer already and a lot better than him. A short look behind myself told me one thing: Two dense people, one thought! I decided to correct my answer. Smiling friendly I simply trilled:

"Slytherin!"

The Snape copy made a disapproving noise and turned around, grumbled a "Follow me" and rushed away with a billowing robe.

"Blah blah", I grumbled, looked to my friend and followed the maniac in front of us.

Alex POV:

Accepting our fate we were now following this Snape copy, who really did his job better than I had expected, 'cause this billowing of his cloak was really imitated quite realistically. Add to that his fast pace, with which he tried to loose us even when we were told to follow him. After some sharp turns around one corner or another we climbed up a set of stairs, stepped onto the landing, Kimmy was the last who managed to go through the doorframe, but I was caught by a heavy tapestry, which the imitation, like the friendly guy he was, had simply pushed to the side and let go. The tapestry swung back and with top speed, crashed into my side.

"HEY! Watch it!" I snapped and tried to burn holes into the tapestry with my glare. Normally it would've taken more to make me angry, 'cause I was a really balanced person, but this tapestry had been really heavy!

"GO AWAY!" I absolutely needlessly barked at the tapestry and stood stock-still as it actually moved to the side to allow me to pass through the doorframe without it blocking the path.

The Fake-Snapy turned around unnerved, while Kimmy walked past him with an unmoved "Come on.".

"Wuff.", was my reply and I really moved myself to follow her and so it came that now Kimmy lead us, with the wrong bat following us relentlessly.

"What do you think where you are going?" he nagged after just ten feet.

"Along the hallway." We simultaneously informed him dryly.

He groaned and stopped to touch his hand to his forehead, while the other pointed to a portrait. "Upstairs." Was all he said, before rushing up the stairs, which the portrait had uncovered after his words.

So now he was the 'leader' of the trio once again, which was dragging itself along the hallways.

After a while, a lot of stairs and a stretched silence we arrived in front of a black door.

The Fake-Snape fished around his pocket for a second and took a wooden stick out.

"Oh my god, he took him out." Kimmy voiced unimpressed.

"Morgana, he wouldn't..." I tried to let my voice quiver, but couldn't contain my laughter for long. And suddenly I was the recipient of the famous death glare, after he'd caught on to the fact that Kimmy was highly unimpressed by them. After some mumbled words and a swish of the stick my laughter died.

Kimmy grabbed the stick, imitated the swish and the door opened itself, crashing into Snape's side.

After a typical 'Strike'-movement, this time sorrowfully without the typical exclamation of just that, I just grinned content with myself, while stepping into the room and passing a Snape who rubbed his painfully aching side.

Kimmy was already seated into a comfy looking armchair, which resided behind an impressive desk, while I preferred to take a seat in front of the fireplace and make a good use of the tea standing there at the ready, like it had been waiting just for us. With a snap of my fingers, combined with a questioning face I asked Kimmy if she too wanted some tea, she agreed with a curt nod.

With a snarled: "THAT'S MY TEA!", we were finally joined by the imitation.

Silently, I didn't even want to talk to him, I also passed him a cup of tea. I asked Kimmy for sugar, which she declined and then I had to look how that copy abused his tea with milk.


End file.
